I have always known that I wanted kids especially going into my 30's. Well, I'm 39 now and currently on Prednisone, Plaquenil and Cellcept to treat my SLE and lupus nephritis. I know that I can't get pregnant on Cellcept since it's a class D drug but my doctor is hopefully going to take me off of it sometime this year since my kidneys have greatly improved and are functioning normally now. I had one miscarriage in 2011 that was considered a chemical pregnancy and ever since then, I have been mourning the loss of it. 

I guess my concerns right now are if I can even get pregnant because of my age and having been on Cellcept and Methothrexate (in the past). Also, am I going to be able to handle a baby with my lupus. But regardless, I still want to have a child. As much as I am always happy to hear others having babies, I can't help but feel a sting wishing that that was me. 

Right now I am doing a lot of wishful thinking and have gone to a fertility specialist to get my body checked out. I don't think I want to go through any type of fertility treatments because I'm afraid of how my lupus is going to react. I guess going there is just my way of knowing if it's even possible for me to get pregnant again. I want to go see the high risk OB I saw after my miscarriage for another pre-pregnancy consult but I find myself continuing to try to talk myself out of it for feeling silly going when I don't know if I can even get pregnant again. 

Am I beating myself up too much or am I being realistic? 

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