I can't believe it's only been two days since I picked Sophie. I absolutely adore her. She has not only given me happiness that I never imagined I could have but she has also given me something to look forward to in life. You see, I would love to have a child. I'm 38 years old now and I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to have any children. I have some blood clotting factors that are getting in my way (antiphospolipid antibodies and +SSA and +SSB factors), not to mention my lupus nephritis. This does not mean that people who have these can never have children but we just have to be more cautious. Given my age and these other factors, I'm not sure I want to risk it. I guess it depends on what day I'm having if you ask me...but today, I'm feeling "okay" with it.

There has been so many times where I would feel so depressed because my life was no longer the same since my Lupus diagnosis. There are so many things that I'm not in total control of anymore and it seems like I have to be cautious about everything, having children being one of them. I also get doses of people thinking they know what's best for me better than I do (I'm talking family members and friends, not physicians). Their advice always comes from the heart and they always have good intentions, however, it makes me feel like I have more boundaries and has, at times, added to my depression. I already know my boundaries. There's no need to receive any more reiteration. It just makes me think about my boundaries even more when I'm already trying to live a life with them. 

Always having to be careful of what you do everyday has caused  me to feel a bit more down about life I guess you can say. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily feel like this every single day but I definitely have my moments....until I got this little puppy of mine. She makes me smile the biggest smile and has made me feel so light hearted. I'm usually full of worries and anxieties but with her, I've been forgetting about them. She is such an amazing little blessing. I can't even begin to tell you all the little things she does that puts a smile on mine and everyone's face. My husband is totally smitten with her too. And to think, I received a lot of "you shouldn't get a puppy", "you're crazy to get a puppy", "they're a lot of work", "you're going to flare if you get a puppy, they're just like having a kid", etc. This all comes from concern from others but sometimes, it just made me more unsure of myself when I've been trying to battle this disease. 

I'm a firm believer of if you think negative, then negative things will happen but if you think positive, it won't be so bad. Yes, having a puppy has caused lack of sleep for me but I try to be responsible with my disease. For instance, I nap when she naps. My friend that told me that having a puppy is just like having a kid was right. I already knew that fact though and was already preparing for it.

I can't help but get this burst of energy every time I'm with her though. She's so playful and absolutely loving. I just feel so happy with her :-)

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