So I mentioned in my previous post about an experience I had recently that caused me a lot of heartache. Actually I went through a whole range of emotion from beginning to end. One third of women experience this. I'm talking about a miscarriage. Mine was considered a chemical pregnancy, a very early miscarriage. My husband and I always thought we would have kids one day but haven't really been actively trying. This pregnancy came as a total surprise. The only reason why I even tested was because I was due to have a CT scan of my chest and was asked if I was pregnant. Just to be on the safe side, I tested. Low and behold, there it was, a 2nd line. I couldn't believe how happy I was to see it. I guess you never really know how you're going to feel about something until it actually happens to you.

We had shared our news with only a few parents, my husband's parents, my sister, my husband's sister and my husband's aunt. Everyone was so unbelievably happy for us. I saw a sparkle in my husband's eye when he gave the news to his parents. My mother had the same sparkle in her eyes. It was the most amazing feeling.

My body felt great as well. No aches and pains for once. I was on cloud 9. I started to imagine our future life with a child in tow and I even started to talk to my baby. I sang songs with him/her and danced to music that I pictured us dancing to when they're in their toddler years. I grew attached.

Then the day came when I called the nurse to tell her about the bleeding I was experiencing. I prayed for days that the little bean would make it through. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  That was only about 3 weeks ago.

I started to read a book my sister had recommended called Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back. There's a section in there that I related to. You'll know what I'm talking about if you read it. It gave me peace of mind.  

I still think about my little bean everyday. He/she will always be in my heart but I know my baby is in a better place now.
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1 Response
  1. Headstrong Says:

    Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I wish for you the lessening of your pain and the growing of a new hope - however that hope may be directed. My best to you.

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